scrub-a-dub-dub till its squeeky clean!!
Women clean a lot!!
They clean their kitchens, their bathrooms…especially when upset. Now I am not talking of the routine cleaning that every home needs on a day to day basis. I am talking of women using the process of cleaning, scrubbing and making some thing/place spotless and perfect, for cathartic reasons. I have spoken to my girl friends about this and most of them concur that this is what they typically do when they are stark raving mad, frustrated or sad and have no other way to show it!!
I am reminded of my Mother when I was younger, as well as my many aunts and aunties. I recollect that every single time Ma and Pa had an argument/disagreement; there would be a certain pattern to the whole production that ensued. Sure, the banging vessels are almost a mandatory feature. I am sure every family has such memories in wholesale quantities!! Err…you say your family never had such episodes?? Of course not!! You all have the most wonderful families!
Well coming back to the topic…so there was the banging of vessels and other things, followed by the litany of murmurs and baritone monologues that were supposed to hit a mark and make an impact. Of course, as the norm demands, the person who is at the receiving end of such ‘messages’ by now has switched off his mind and ears and is now staring vacantly into a space(s) that is seemingly safe. After the banging and loud reorganizing of an assortment of dabbas with all sorts of grains and spices, and/or the papers, mails, book cases, closets etc, comes the verbal lull! It is precisely at this moment, that the utensils are traded for the sponge/scrub/duster.
I can recollect countless episodes where I myself have spent hours just cleaning my 2 burner gas stove back in India, right after the maid had done a pretty good job of it. I recollect obsessing over the bathroom tiles and the irremovable brown spots in the grout between the tiles. I recollect my pathetic delight when I first came to the US and saw the cleaning supplies aisle in the grocery store. I was ecstatic!! (I know its pathetic, no need to rub it in!!) They had so many cleaning agents…for the windows, for the kitchen, for tough stains, for grease, for delicate surfaces, for floors, in orange scents, and apple…even grapefruit!! I was soon stuffing my cleaning supplies cabinet with these goodies…and not to mention our laundry detergents, fabric softeners, bleach, toilet cleaners, tub n tile cleaners as well as the no-scum after shower sprayers, the dishwasher detergents…etc etc all came and still come from Costco. I have more cleaning supplies in my garage than utensils to cook with!!
It all came as one big shock to me, when one day I caught myself rather angry with my Hubbs over something. While he chose to go to work and get over the episode, I chose to clean. As I donned my yellow rubber gloves, and sprayed my stove with Orange Clean All Purpose Cleaner, I suddenly noticed that the stove looked clean as it was. With mild irritation, I wiped it clean and then went to the bathroom. The tub did require scrubbing, so I started off….and midway I asked myself if I would be doing this, had it not been for the argument we had had. To my own surprise, the answer was ‘NO’. Since then I have thought about this on and off…and come to some conclusions of my own.
We use such opportunities to wallow in our miseries and indulge in pity parties. In the process of cleaning we pity ourselves with thought statements like, “see how much I do, and all he can do is watch TV or go to his office!”, or “This is all I am! A glorified house maid”, “I do so much, do I even get one word of appreciation!” etc!! Come now ladies, be honest! We’ve all been there, there’s no shame in admitting that!! This is also the time we are reminded of our maids back in India. We forget for a minute the number of times we yelled at her for being tardy or inefficient. Instead we miss them so much that we shed a few tears of love. Also the perfect time to lament the fact that maids in the US are so expensive, perhaps even get angrier by asking ourselves why the husbands cannot see the desperate need to dispense the $100 a month to have the toilets cleaned and carpets vacuumed. We simply end up feeling worse and bitterer!
When I realized what I was doing, I stopped cleaning while in an upset mood. Now, when I am upset, I write, or take a walk or do anything else…but I refuse to clean!! As a result, my house is not as spotless and shiny as it used to be. (Sort of gives away the fact that I (used to) get upset a lot!) But then, I don’t mind!! I am not as obsessive as before and that to me is a healthier state of mind. So, when Hubbs does not put away his cereal bowl in the kitchen sink or the dishwasher, I don’t mind so terribly anymore. (Don’t tell anyone that right now I am singularly obsessed about cleaning my cluttered garage, can’t wait for a sunny day on a weekend!)
However, my pondering about the connection between cleaning and upset women has not stopped. Is it because we model after other similar women that we end up being such beings?? Do we get conditioned at an early age? Or is it because we get domesticated? Is it some primitive instinct in us that makes us go for that sponge like it’s the only hope left for us?
This whole process makes women in general sound pathetic and hopeless!! I am sure many of you will scream at me and say ‘get a life!!’ But it’s the truth!! A lot of women world over are like this….and is time to reach out to them!! As odd and funny as this seems, it may even save many a marriage from the brink of destruction!!
How Chay, can I save my marriage, you ask?? I’ll tell you how!! Throw away those sponges you all…be liberated henceforth from the scrub-monster that feeds on all the anger and frustration. Find better ways to vent!! Write!!!
Ok I better stop rambling! I think I lost my point a long time back!!
They clean their kitchens, their bathrooms…especially when upset. Now I am not talking of the routine cleaning that every home needs on a day to day basis. I am talking of women using the process of cleaning, scrubbing and making some thing/place spotless and perfect, for cathartic reasons. I have spoken to my girl friends about this and most of them concur that this is what they typically do when they are stark raving mad, frustrated or sad and have no other way to show it!!
I am reminded of my Mother when I was younger, as well as my many aunts and aunties. I recollect that every single time Ma and Pa had an argument/disagreement; there would be a certain pattern to the whole production that ensued. Sure, the banging vessels are almost a mandatory feature. I am sure every family has such memories in wholesale quantities!! Err…you say your family never had such episodes?? Of course not!! You all have the most wonderful families!
Well coming back to the topic…so there was the banging of vessels and other things, followed by the litany of murmurs and baritone monologues that were supposed to hit a mark and make an impact. Of course, as the norm demands, the person who is at the receiving end of such ‘messages’ by now has switched off his mind and ears and is now staring vacantly into a space(s) that is seemingly safe. After the banging and loud reorganizing of an assortment of dabbas with all sorts of grains and spices, and/or the papers, mails, book cases, closets etc, comes the verbal lull! It is precisely at this moment, that the utensils are traded for the sponge/scrub/duster.
I can recollect countless episodes where I myself have spent hours just cleaning my 2 burner gas stove back in India, right after the maid had done a pretty good job of it. I recollect obsessing over the bathroom tiles and the irremovable brown spots in the grout between the tiles. I recollect my pathetic delight when I first came to the US and saw the cleaning supplies aisle in the grocery store. I was ecstatic!! (I know its pathetic, no need to rub it in!!) They had so many cleaning agents…for the windows, for the kitchen, for tough stains, for grease, for delicate surfaces, for floors, in orange scents, and apple…even grapefruit!! I was soon stuffing my cleaning supplies cabinet with these goodies…and not to mention our laundry detergents, fabric softeners, bleach, toilet cleaners, tub n tile cleaners as well as the no-scum after shower sprayers, the dishwasher detergents…etc etc all came and still come from Costco. I have more cleaning supplies in my garage than utensils to cook with!!
It all came as one big shock to me, when one day I caught myself rather angry with my Hubbs over something. While he chose to go to work and get over the episode, I chose to clean. As I donned my yellow rubber gloves, and sprayed my stove with Orange Clean All Purpose Cleaner, I suddenly noticed that the stove looked clean as it was. With mild irritation, I wiped it clean and then went to the bathroom. The tub did require scrubbing, so I started off….and midway I asked myself if I would be doing this, had it not been for the argument we had had. To my own surprise, the answer was ‘NO’. Since then I have thought about this on and off…and come to some conclusions of my own.
We use such opportunities to wallow in our miseries and indulge in pity parties. In the process of cleaning we pity ourselves with thought statements like, “see how much I do, and all he can do is watch TV or go to his office!”, or “This is all I am! A glorified house maid”, “I do so much, do I even get one word of appreciation!” etc!! Come now ladies, be honest! We’ve all been there, there’s no shame in admitting that!! This is also the time we are reminded of our maids back in India. We forget for a minute the number of times we yelled at her for being tardy or inefficient. Instead we miss them so much that we shed a few tears of love. Also the perfect time to lament the fact that maids in the US are so expensive, perhaps even get angrier by asking ourselves why the husbands cannot see the desperate need to dispense the $100 a month to have the toilets cleaned and carpets vacuumed. We simply end up feeling worse and bitterer!
When I realized what I was doing, I stopped cleaning while in an upset mood. Now, when I am upset, I write, or take a walk or do anything else…but I refuse to clean!! As a result, my house is not as spotless and shiny as it used to be. (Sort of gives away the fact that I (used to) get upset a lot!) But then, I don’t mind!! I am not as obsessive as before and that to me is a healthier state of mind. So, when Hubbs does not put away his cereal bowl in the kitchen sink or the dishwasher, I don’t mind so terribly anymore. (Don’t tell anyone that right now I am singularly obsessed about cleaning my cluttered garage, can’t wait for a sunny day on a weekend!)
However, my pondering about the connection between cleaning and upset women has not stopped. Is it because we model after other similar women that we end up being such beings?? Do we get conditioned at an early age? Or is it because we get domesticated? Is it some primitive instinct in us that makes us go for that sponge like it’s the only hope left for us?
This whole process makes women in general sound pathetic and hopeless!! I am sure many of you will scream at me and say ‘get a life!!’ But it’s the truth!! A lot of women world over are like this….and is time to reach out to them!! As odd and funny as this seems, it may even save many a marriage from the brink of destruction!!
How Chay, can I save my marriage, you ask?? I’ll tell you how!! Throw away those sponges you all…be liberated henceforth from the scrub-monster that feeds on all the anger and frustration. Find better ways to vent!! Write!!!
Ok I better stop rambling! I think I lost my point a long time back!!
posted by Arpana Sanjay at 5:46 PM
2 Comments:
i personally think u r doing urself a disservice by depriving urself of the therapeutic benefits of physical labor...
a li'l wallowing in misery never hurt anyone...and in many cases produces good urdu poetry...:-))
being happy is overrated anyways...:-))
u think so Buck?? i should get back to banging vessels and cleaning eh?? :-/ ;-)))
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