Solitude - Love Letters 10
I'm only human… I'm just a woman…..help me believe in what I could be…and all that I am…show me the stairway I'll have to climb…Lord for my sake… teach me to take….one day at a time….one day at a time…. just give me the strength to do every day...what I have to do…yesterday's gone …tomorrow may never be mine… show me the way…one day at a time…Lord give me the grace to live…grace to live – just to TRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!
*************
Yet another day!! This morning I was praying and singing in my sleep. Don’t ask, so what’s new? You know some things will never change. Remember that time when I woke up to find you at 3.37 am …fast asleep on your knees!!
It’s been a while since we have been apart now. But I cannot get over the habit of speaking with you. I am reminded of the time when little Nicky’s dad left and we told her that he was out of town on work. Then we proceeded to live the next month as if he were going to walk in the door at any time. We were trying to deceive a child. And now I am trying to delude myself…that you are on your way home.
It’s not terribly hard being without you. I still go about the things I always did – the bills, the taxes, the laundry and the meals. I am able to do more as well…I am doing all the things that have been on my list, one by one I am scoring it off. Living life, being more than a wife… but I do miss you. Would it have been impossible for you to stay? Was it really so hard to allow me to be more than me?
I mow the lawn now, it’s not so hard. I am now certain that the only reason you abhorred mowing was because it kept you from the other green you loved. I also bought golfing lessons...maybe its time I learned how to just connect the club to the ball…and stopped playing golf like it were cricket. And I also found a new racquet ball partner. I bought some new hiking boots as well. I changed the brand of coffee we use. I bought you some new white dress shirts and a nice evening dress for myself…I have to attend Maria’s promo this weekend. I got a subscription for those photography magazines you always wanted. I finally learnt how to change a tire…ok the valet did it and I watched!! I managed to restart the paper I was writing….I got a package from Amma last week…she sent me another sari and some new books for you. I will send them across soon. I am going away this summer to Greece…. I also tried the dress you sent me for my birthday. As always it fits perfectly! You remembered! I’d shown it 3 months ago from across the street. I remember that day. We were getting late for our settlement meetings …yet you remembered….that was sweet of you!! …I baked your favorite casserole this evening.
I miss you alright! But life goes on. I know you miss me too. You might have regrets for having left. I am certain you feel guilty. See, in all the years you have lived, there has been not one person that walked this planet, who’s known you as well I have. I told you before….I won’t judge you for having left. And I don’t hold you responsible either. So stop feeling guilty!
What are you doing right now? Sitting at your table….staring at the take-out containers? Eat it before it gets cold…I know you still have not gotten a new microwave for the office pantry. Tomorrow is Natasha’s birthday…Take her out for lunch if nothing else…And did you remember to send the cheque to Nair Aunty? Tell Natasha…she’ll take care of it for you.
I won’t be able to go to Bess’s this evening. I have a dinner meeting. So I wont see you…I will miss that. Perhaps for the better! Don’t forget to take some chocolates or wine to Bess’s when you go there. Take the truffles from Nicolette’s store…she loves those. And don’t be mean to Claire and tease her about that painting again. Make sure you stay away from Tara…she wants your time and cheque book even more now…now that you are single. Try not to be too abrasive with Shukla…and say hello to Mistry for me…There I go again…. I am forgetting myself now!! And stop laughing at me!! …yeah…I am sniffing the way I always do when you tease me.
It is so easy to be myself again, but so hard to stop being your wife…I wonder if I will ever stop being your wife. After all…I still finish your sentences and you still speak my thoughts…
Still yours,
Your Love!
*************
Yet another day!! This morning I was praying and singing in my sleep. Don’t ask, so what’s new? You know some things will never change. Remember that time when I woke up to find you at 3.37 am …fast asleep on your knees!!
It’s been a while since we have been apart now. But I cannot get over the habit of speaking with you. I am reminded of the time when little Nicky’s dad left and we told her that he was out of town on work. Then we proceeded to live the next month as if he were going to walk in the door at any time. We were trying to deceive a child. And now I am trying to delude myself…that you are on your way home.
It’s not terribly hard being without you. I still go about the things I always did – the bills, the taxes, the laundry and the meals. I am able to do more as well…I am doing all the things that have been on my list, one by one I am scoring it off. Living life, being more than a wife… but I do miss you. Would it have been impossible for you to stay? Was it really so hard to allow me to be more than me?
I mow the lawn now, it’s not so hard. I am now certain that the only reason you abhorred mowing was because it kept you from the other green you loved. I also bought golfing lessons...maybe its time I learned how to just connect the club to the ball…and stopped playing golf like it were cricket. And I also found a new racquet ball partner. I bought some new hiking boots as well. I changed the brand of coffee we use. I bought you some new white dress shirts and a nice evening dress for myself…I have to attend Maria’s promo this weekend. I got a subscription for those photography magazines you always wanted. I finally learnt how to change a tire…ok the valet did it and I watched!! I managed to restart the paper I was writing….I got a package from Amma last week…she sent me another sari and some new books for you. I will send them across soon. I am going away this summer to Greece…. I also tried the dress you sent me for my birthday. As always it fits perfectly! You remembered! I’d shown it 3 months ago from across the street. I remember that day. We were getting late for our settlement meetings …yet you remembered….that was sweet of you!! …I baked your favorite casserole this evening.
I miss you alright! But life goes on. I know you miss me too. You might have regrets for having left. I am certain you feel guilty. See, in all the years you have lived, there has been not one person that walked this planet, who’s known you as well I have. I told you before….I won’t judge you for having left. And I don’t hold you responsible either. So stop feeling guilty!
What are you doing right now? Sitting at your table….staring at the take-out containers? Eat it before it gets cold…I know you still have not gotten a new microwave for the office pantry. Tomorrow is Natasha’s birthday…Take her out for lunch if nothing else…And did you remember to send the cheque to Nair Aunty? Tell Natasha…she’ll take care of it for you.
I won’t be able to go to Bess’s this evening. I have a dinner meeting. So I wont see you…I will miss that. Perhaps for the better! Don’t forget to take some chocolates or wine to Bess’s when you go there. Take the truffles from Nicolette’s store…she loves those. And don’t be mean to Claire and tease her about that painting again. Make sure you stay away from Tara…she wants your time and cheque book even more now…now that you are single. Try not to be too abrasive with Shukla…and say hello to Mistry for me…There I go again…. I am forgetting myself now!! And stop laughing at me!! …yeah…I am sniffing the way I always do when you tease me.
It is so easy to be myself again, but so hard to stop being your wife…I wonder if I will ever stop being your wife. After all…I still finish your sentences and you still speak my thoughts…
Still yours,
Your Love!
posted by Arpana Sanjay at 9:34 AM
1 Comments:
Thanks SSM....
did send my intro to the buckwaas board. waiting to hear from them...:-)) Gosh this place feels so liberating!!
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