Silence sil vous plait!!
I saw a neat little café called ‘Silence sil vous plait!’ and as I got a whiff of roasting coffee beans, I smiled at thoughts that popped like bubbles over my head. I took them all in, along with the comforting aroma of beans and memories of youth.
Silence sil vous plait!! The shrill voice of my French teacher still echoes through the many still moments that dot the memories of my numb and sometimes aching mind. And there’d be such silence all around me!! The same silence through the years has followed me and been my sole companion through every waking moment of my life. It reverberates through every fabric of my being, bouncing off the walls of my mind, like I were a hollow pot. I sometimes talk incessantly and at other times, shut up like a clam! Needless to say, everyone around me finds it more confusing than my ideas and I think that’s a good thing. But through it all, the private quiescence of my mind stays faithful. As Confucius said, “Silence is the true friend that never betrays."
There have been so many moments of stillness in my life, when I have experienced sheer joy – unexplainable euphoria! Though fewer in number, these silent moments sometimes end with music and dance for me. I get so ecstatic, so completely elated and rapturous, that I cannot allow silence to prevail anymore. These same moments more often become a blanket of languid ease and tranquil satisfaction that I am content to just bask in, enjoy the stillness…the peace…the calm.
And then, there are silent moments of abject desolation – when the silence is so loud that you can hear it scream your brains out!! The silence is so fiercely violent that it hurts you even to sense it. Acknowledging that you know such a silence intimately is like willing to be locked in a lofty tower and agreeing for the key to be thrown into the deepest of seas. Such violent silence is what drives so many brilliant minds to the perilous edge of sanity. So much so that one does not even know reality from fantasy anymore. It’s a frightening thought that I tread upon the picket fences of such cruel isolation so often, so willingly, so nonchalantly.
It always speaks to you – silence, if you only listen carefully enough. If you quicken your intuitive percipience, but manage to keep your mind and body still, you can hear so many precious things in your spirit. Answers to questions, keys & codes, connecting links, direction in times of confusion…….its my belief that God meets with you & your needs in those moments! But how does one recognize His voice?? That continues to remain a mystery.
It is all so tricky. For one to hear his/her own heart, one needs to be completely still. But for the quiescence to prevail, one also needs to be completely calm in the spirit. If I force it, I fall asleep. And it’s not often that I am without the many thoughts that buzz over my head. Some people meditate, others pray. Still others go in a trance like state listening to music, chanting mantras or listening to smooth talking god-men on tapes. Regardless of what you do, you can’t start thinking cognitively with reason and yet hope to hear the secrets of your heart. Your mind then gets cluttered with your own thoughts, most of which will be futile sooner or later, anyway.
I know there are others like me – whose souls come alive in silence. Still, the bundle of contradictions that I am, I am petrified of silence, inspite of the fact that I live almost entirely in its abundance! I can be in a crowded party or a bustling marketplace, or be having a conversation with a group of people and yet be engulfed in the ever-present silence of my mind. It is not emptiness, but solitude amongst people, stillness in activity, and a strange sort of detachment, my own form of control in chaos. Some call me a loner, others worry over my self imposed state of isolation. But I find myself safest here, in my own cocoon of myriad thoughts full of potential. I find these moments are so pregnant with so many possibilities and full of adventure, but I also fear such moments for they reveal the murky marshlands of my mind. At every turn there is a mystery waiting to be unraveled, a danger lurking. Once I know that an unchartered territory exists, I cannot pretend it doesn’t. Sooner or later I have to go in and face my deepest desires and fears all at once. And that to me is the most frightening thought of all. What if I see myself and I don’t like the mind, or worse, what if I am empty and hollow or warped. Or even worse, forgettable, unremarkable….!
My deepest fear is me! Yet I trek on……
Silence sil vous plait!! The shrill voice of my French teacher still echoes through the many still moments that dot the memories of my numb and sometimes aching mind. And there’d be such silence all around me!! The same silence through the years has followed me and been my sole companion through every waking moment of my life. It reverberates through every fabric of my being, bouncing off the walls of my mind, like I were a hollow pot. I sometimes talk incessantly and at other times, shut up like a clam! Needless to say, everyone around me finds it more confusing than my ideas and I think that’s a good thing. But through it all, the private quiescence of my mind stays faithful. As Confucius said, “Silence is the true friend that never betrays."
There have been so many moments of stillness in my life, when I have experienced sheer joy – unexplainable euphoria! Though fewer in number, these silent moments sometimes end with music and dance for me. I get so ecstatic, so completely elated and rapturous, that I cannot allow silence to prevail anymore. These same moments more often become a blanket of languid ease and tranquil satisfaction that I am content to just bask in, enjoy the stillness…the peace…the calm.
And then, there are silent moments of abject desolation – when the silence is so loud that you can hear it scream your brains out!! The silence is so fiercely violent that it hurts you even to sense it. Acknowledging that you know such a silence intimately is like willing to be locked in a lofty tower and agreeing for the key to be thrown into the deepest of seas. Such violent silence is what drives so many brilliant minds to the perilous edge of sanity. So much so that one does not even know reality from fantasy anymore. It’s a frightening thought that I tread upon the picket fences of such cruel isolation so often, so willingly, so nonchalantly.
It always speaks to you – silence, if you only listen carefully enough. If you quicken your intuitive percipience, but manage to keep your mind and body still, you can hear so many precious things in your spirit. Answers to questions, keys & codes, connecting links, direction in times of confusion…….its my belief that God meets with you & your needs in those moments! But how does one recognize His voice?? That continues to remain a mystery.
It is all so tricky. For one to hear his/her own heart, one needs to be completely still. But for the quiescence to prevail, one also needs to be completely calm in the spirit. If I force it, I fall asleep. And it’s not often that I am without the many thoughts that buzz over my head. Some people meditate, others pray. Still others go in a trance like state listening to music, chanting mantras or listening to smooth talking god-men on tapes. Regardless of what you do, you can’t start thinking cognitively with reason and yet hope to hear the secrets of your heart. Your mind then gets cluttered with your own thoughts, most of which will be futile sooner or later, anyway.
I know there are others like me – whose souls come alive in silence. Still, the bundle of contradictions that I am, I am petrified of silence, inspite of the fact that I live almost entirely in its abundance! I can be in a crowded party or a bustling marketplace, or be having a conversation with a group of people and yet be engulfed in the ever-present silence of my mind. It is not emptiness, but solitude amongst people, stillness in activity, and a strange sort of detachment, my own form of control in chaos. Some call me a loner, others worry over my self imposed state of isolation. But I find myself safest here, in my own cocoon of myriad thoughts full of potential. I find these moments are so pregnant with so many possibilities and full of adventure, but I also fear such moments for they reveal the murky marshlands of my mind. At every turn there is a mystery waiting to be unraveled, a danger lurking. Once I know that an unchartered territory exists, I cannot pretend it doesn’t. Sooner or later I have to go in and face my deepest desires and fears all at once. And that to me is the most frightening thought of all. What if I see myself and I don’t like the mind, or worse, what if I am empty and hollow or warped. Or even worse, forgettable, unremarkable….!
My deepest fear is me! Yet I trek on……
posted by Arpana Sanjay at 9:59 AM
1 Comments:
you sound so saintly, like you just achieved nirvana or something, esply in the last para. beautiful blog on silence.
when the silence is so loud that you can hear it scream your brains out!! int eres tingggg!!!
Such violent silence is what drives so many brilliant minds to the perilous edge of sanity. I don't understand what you are talking about there. seems like you just threw some words around there. But I do wonder- Could you have meant the inability of great minds to comunicate to people around them drove them to forced silence, silence intolerable and to insanity?
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