Same Difference??

Immie’s blog got me thinking!! I myself have always stood out like a sore thumb. I never wanted to belong or conform to anything, ever. Perhaps my rebelliousness was fuelled by the unconventional parenting I had. Perhaps it was the exposure I was given so early in life. Whatever the impetus was, I became increasingly difficult for the uncles and aunties and cousins and peers around me. After a while I realized that I was actually high on their shock & indignation!! I was not being different to get attention; mercifully I never needed that sort of validation. But I did enjoy dominating their thoughts with my eccentric, ambitious and often unacceptable behaviour!! I could not understand the need for conformity and my school & college teachers will stand witness to that. I was a wild child and proud of it too!! I recollect my grandfather often remark, ‘how are we going to tame this one!!’

And then I got married. Even my marriage and the circumstances I got married in were different. The man I married was another non-conformist. It was almost like I drove the last nail in the coffin as far as my extended family was concerned, except things started changing. The first 2 years of my marriage were extremely hard ones…and to cope with the struggles, for the first time in my life I started conforming….to tradition, custom, mannerisms, behaviour…It was so subtle and I never realized what was happening.
Until one day a cousin said that marriage had changed me for the better. Of course it was true and I was glad for it. But as I watched him repeat those words a second time, it hit me with painful force!! I was now tame!!

A great deal of introspection and tough questioning brought me to an understanding that as happy and content I seemed to be, I was hurting and restless within. I was so lost and devastated!! See, what I did not understand then, was that it was my innate differentness that made me who I am – complete with strength, ability and all other skills needed for my life. To get rid of that would be like locking me up in a prison of dull convention to die a slow, meaningless even boring death! If I removed the differentness, I would loose all the skills I needed to live life.

I am thankful that I noticed my straying on to the beaten path before I encountered some serious damage!! Now I can consciously steer myself to the wild unused path and celebrate me…regardless of whether I have company or not!

When I see people who live life in set patterns I am in awe of them. I have tremendous respect for those cousins & friends who are wives, mothers and want no more of life. From my perspective, it takes tremendous discipline and contentedness to be ‘normal’. Of course, from their perspective, I might seem like the adventurous, sometimes enviable one. Neither way of life is easy.

Everyone fears that which is different. In that sense, every body is similar. While fear (of the unconventional or the conventional, depending on which side of the fence u are on) drives a person to stay away from those that are different, it is maturity and wisdom that induces a certain balance in our thinking. It makes everyone more accepting and open minded. It’s a lot easier to give in to the vagaries of bitterness and cynicism. And it takes twice as much courage, not to…

But all said and done, each person likes to think they are different in some way; everyone wants to be special or unique in some way. To me, that is the same difference!!