thieves of innocence - insecurity

I wrote a part of this blog and posted it on my site, and since then, friends – virtual and real, have been asking me why it is not posted where it should be. I wanted to let it go…forget the incident. But after many discussions, I have come to the conclusion that that is not exactly a responsible option. Like my husband reminded me earlier today, there is a time to keep quiet and a time to speak, a time to hold your peace and a time to retaliate.

It is futile to add disclaimers, so none shall be sent out as outriders.

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The very first time I was subject to such didactic dogma was when I was 9 years old. I was particularly interested in tadpoles and had devoured the thin encyclopedia at the school library. But my interest was still young and mind was still unsatisfied, so, I started looking for them at the construction tank right next to the school building. It was en route the little girls’ room and provided ample entertainment for me. And when I found a boy from my class showing the same enthusiasm towards these tadpoles, I extended my hand of friendship. It was just a matter of time before we became thick pals, exchanging books and notes, carrying the tadpoles to our homes in our water bottles and getting similar reactions from our respective mothers. We ate together, played together and we were happy together. Nothing seemed to be wrong with the picture….except some of the other children around us saw something we did not.

The ‘problem’ was, that I was a girl and the boy concerned was…well, a boy. At age 9, we were beginning to get a reputation for being wild. I did not understand it and I am thankful I did not. The matter got so out of hand and the children go so destructive with their thoughts and imaginations about sexuality gone haywire, that the boy’s parents were summoned by the headmistress and informed them, that they were to find admission elsewhere for the following academic year, since their boy had no moral principles. Yes, it really happened that way. From time to time I’d see the boy, but there is something painful about the image of a 10 year old boy who looks away in embarrassment and shame every time he crosses paths with his best friend who just so happens to be of the opposite sex. Of course there are justifications – it was a small town, people were narrow minded…cultural aspects….whatever!! I often wonder where that boy is and what his idea about man-woman relationships are now. How bad was the damage to his young mind and how many such boys are there?

Almost 20 years have passed since that time. And I still endure such despicable behaviour. A great deal of imposition in the name of morals and propriety, irrational conclusions about my behaviour and personality, unfounded accusations about my intent or language or anything for that matter! One would expect that things will change with time. Each incident is as unoriginal and nasty as the other.

A few months ago I wrote a fun blog portraying a certain scene with a few of the bloggers. I had imagined one of the bloggers to be a man in his 40s and had always associated him with Anthony Hopkins in Howard’s End or better yet, Remains of the Day, and so proceeded to characterize him and portray a certain situation that resulted in fun and laughter and a good time for all and sundry in Blogland. There was one lady who seemed very interested in verifying something and once that was done, she seemed to be satisfied. A few days later, I received a long angry mail from an irate Mrs. Anthony Hopkins. She seemed to be very imaginative and was extremely skilled in the categories of embellishments and drama. After the attempt at predictably crude association with Mr. Hopkins, she then proceeded to dissect me and my blogs, comments, mails and even the choice of bloggers on my network. She seemed to have a problem with every word I typed, every move I made and who I chose to interact with as well.

Baffled and disturbed, by her choice of words & content, as well as the detail with she had studied everything concerning me, I tried to explain myself in a mail, but to no avail. Taking into consideration her condition (she was pregnant and due in a couple of months), and not wanting to create further strife between them, I just let the matter go and blocked her id. I wrote off her ranting to pregnancy related hormones and stress.

Eventually Mr. Hopkins sent me a 2 line apology and I accepted it. I forgot about the incident in no time. So much so, that I forgot that I was not permitted to comment on Anthony Hopkins’s blog…and so, after a while when after having forgotten, left a comment, all hell broke loose. Needless to say, I heard from her again…and this time, it was even more outrageous because it was on a public forum. She smugly made a statement, a request, as she called it and withdrew without an explanation. When people started asking me who this woman was and what she was talking about, I refused to comment, with the intention of protecting her identity and her husband’s reputation. It took a few minutes to register that I did not have to do that, that it really was her business if she wanted to publicly humiliate herself and her husband and that I had nothing to be embarrassed about.

The fact that I let go of the first incident without any brouhaha must have given her the impression that I can be bullied. I am aware that she constantly watches my blogspace. Anthony Hopkins for his part has chosen to go ostrich and keep his peace and silence. He might have his own opinions about what happened, but then, he endorsed her behaviour with his silence. Attitudes like his are an entirely different subject to worry about…

One blogger wrote me back with encouragement and he said, ‘this is bizarre’. Another was furious enough to make plans to give the woman the same sort of treatment. My husband wanted to mail them both back with a piece of his mind…..as did a couple of other buddies of mine. What exciting times!!

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way naïve, I know all the devious little and not so little things that even ‘good & decent’’ people are capable of. Most people also know that I try and believe the best about everyone around me and give them chances even if they’ve wronged me. Life has taught me well not to pass hasty judgments on people inspite of their actions towards me. But this one time…I have lost faith and patience. I have tired myself from being aware and forgiving of the immaturity and impertinence of hopelessly insecure men and women like these!!

I thought I was over it, but evidently I am not. The phenomena, the behaviour, the people – their attitudes, still leave me indignant, flummoxed. The more I watch people like this rave and rant, the more I see into their corrupt souls. Hearts which are devoid of innocence, minds which can only conjure up the worst of situations. It is people like this that try to find ugliness where none exists, and after a certain point of time, they start believing it exists. They are incapable of joy in their spirits – there always is some nagging thought crippling them.

It’s only a matter of time before I analyze their behaviour and sympathize with them and believe there must be some childhood trauma to make them as they are and forgive their folly, their immaturity and I just move on.

But this one time I am absolutely incensed. A grown up woman accusing me of having designs on her husband simply because she cannot handle her own fears and insecurities, is beyond my ability to comprehend. What makes a woman insecure in a marriage with a loving and doting husband? And how is it acceptable when an insecure woman chooses to make a public spectacle of herself and her husband, in the hope of embarrassing another woman? Is it really ok, for civilized, cultured, educated men and women who read, discuss and profess knowledge, wisdom and maturity on matters of philosophy and science to behave in such a fashion, to sit in judgment of a person they do not know? By what authority do they judge?? At just what point in their life do they become so darned self righteous?? [Questions are rhetoric!]

It’s a shame, that even among the modern and educated crème de la crème of India, there exist women who will condemn women for irrational reasons….how much have we really progressed, I wonder? And how many men and women reading this can relate to it, I wonder??

She once claimed she was a ‘very sensitive woman’….I wonder which woman is not!!

But the ultimate finale to this needlessly tortuous episode of hammy histrionics came when a certain woman blew a few kisses to another blogger. Further sleuthing revealed that the woman was the same one that was interested in the first blog I wrote with Anthony Hopkins, and the woman is the same as Mrs. Hopkins.

The base hypocrisy of it all is mildly amusing and terribly pathetic!!

Vaudeville to the very bone this has been!!


Title credit – hubbs dear. Gist of the discussion – subject for another blog…..