Frozen!!
My last post was on 15 of August, 2006. Exactly 3 months ago.
I’ve comeback to my blog several times and I’ve sat in front of it for what always seems like several hours, just staring at the computer screen, wondering how to write. Its not that I find my mind emptied of content, just that I cannot bring myself to start committing my thoughts. Every sentence I want to type asks me the same question – What are you going to accomplish with me out there in the great world of sentences, vain and righteous? Will I touch someone’s life today and impact them, perhaps propel them towards some good? Will I be part of someone’s destiny? Am I the best that you can bring from within yourself? Am I the best representation of who you were or what you are? Do you really like me enough to represent you?
If I were to put it more simply, I find it hard to write something frivolous anymore. If it’s a piece of writing, then it has to be toward something, what’s the word…constructive?
I can write about my vacations or what I am doing now or any such thing….but what’s the point? The people who need to know are informed and those who read such things on a blog don’t really need to know what I am upto anyway. And then I can share my opinions….and accomplish what? Almost every blog site I used to write in or every group of people that I used to interact with have the same sort of issues. People argue endlessly and needlessly about things that don’t really make any sort of difference to anyone….unless it’s a momentary difference. So I’d only feel worse if I added more clutter and ended up making people snap and bite instead of ponder and respect, no?
I often wonder if it’s this strong thought is what should propel me towards writing more seriously – perhaps for a publication or something I can publish. But the co-ordinates seem off in my spirit. I am not talking about planets aligning and such, just that I don’t fell right about it in my gut. After all this time, after all the walking and progress, I still see that my fundamental questions are unanswered. Everything I do is a distraction from the gnawing question – what is the true purpose of my life?
I have almost 60 pieces of writing in various stages sitting in my computer. Some have been finished for close to a year now…but I hesitate. All I can do is sit here, in front of my screen, paralyzed and wondering. Frozen!!
I’ve comeback to my blog several times and I’ve sat in front of it for what always seems like several hours, just staring at the computer screen, wondering how to write. Its not that I find my mind emptied of content, just that I cannot bring myself to start committing my thoughts. Every sentence I want to type asks me the same question – What are you going to accomplish with me out there in the great world of sentences, vain and righteous? Will I touch someone’s life today and impact them, perhaps propel them towards some good? Will I be part of someone’s destiny? Am I the best that you can bring from within yourself? Am I the best representation of who you were or what you are? Do you really like me enough to represent you?
If I were to put it more simply, I find it hard to write something frivolous anymore. If it’s a piece of writing, then it has to be toward something, what’s the word…constructive?
I can write about my vacations or what I am doing now or any such thing….but what’s the point? The people who need to know are informed and those who read such things on a blog don’t really need to know what I am upto anyway. And then I can share my opinions….and accomplish what? Almost every blog site I used to write in or every group of people that I used to interact with have the same sort of issues. People argue endlessly and needlessly about things that don’t really make any sort of difference to anyone….unless it’s a momentary difference. So I’d only feel worse if I added more clutter and ended up making people snap and bite instead of ponder and respect, no?
I often wonder if it’s this strong thought is what should propel me towards writing more seriously – perhaps for a publication or something I can publish. But the co-ordinates seem off in my spirit. I am not talking about planets aligning and such, just that I don’t fell right about it in my gut. After all this time, after all the walking and progress, I still see that my fundamental questions are unanswered. Everything I do is a distraction from the gnawing question – what is the true purpose of my life?
I have almost 60 pieces of writing in various stages sitting in my computer. Some have been finished for close to a year now…but I hesitate. All I can do is sit here, in front of my screen, paralyzed and wondering. Frozen!!
posted by Arpana Sanjay at 10:47 AM
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